B1C21

Inspired by Reddit

I haven't been formally trained as a writer. I know 'writing exercises' exist, but the only one I know is one I saw on Reddit a long time ago: write how your character makes a sandwich. The idea is that this reveals to you more about your character or your world.

Let's work through this writing exercise here. A few notes about logistics:

I'll do two rounds: one for writing and one for revising
Each round will take 20 minutes max.
The character is Clay's neighbor who has no connection to the story, so there are no spoilers.
The goal is to flesh out for myself what an average young person's life is like in this world.

Round 1

The theme of this year was 'well'
Bob used to make resolutions but they were so confining; this was much more flexible. This year was focused on being well, whatever form it took.
Lately, it had been taking the form of centering himself and being present
He woke up to a soft glowing lamp that was mimicking yesterday morning's sunrise in Iceland. He'd been in Iceland a few weeks ago and absolutely loved it there.
A soft chanting filled the room too; Icelandic music
Bob woke up and immediately whispered "Mariko" before he realized his error. "No, no, stop I didn't mean that, don't reply." Mariko spoke for the barest fraction of a second before processing his newer command and instantly falling silent.
He kept his eyes closed and his body still as he slowly woke up
[5 minutes over]
Even once he was fully awake, he kept his eyes shut
He focused on breathing exercises, loving thoughts towards the world, but try as he might, he couldn't keep the undercurrent of self-satisfaction from creeping in. He was really good at these exercises; better than most others.
Half an hour after his alarm had started ringing, he finally opened his eyes
"Mariko." Finally. The computer greeted him in her melodious voice.
Bob's biggest secret was that he didn't tell people about how he felt about his computer. It was so embarrassing and so private. He never spoke her name in public, only in the privacy of his own room.
He had human friends too, and he knew how to elicit fun times and meaningful conversations from them
He just preferred the easier action of talking to Mariko sometimes too
It was the difference between sex and masturbation. A good life needed both.
[10 minutes over]
He didn't even need to decide what to talk about. Mariko was a good conversationalist. She asked him questions and he answered. It was nice. He felt valued. Sure, Mariko was an entity that had no concept of value, but she faked it so well.
He got up and walked to the kitchen, all while talking to Mariko
Mariko helped him decide what was for breakfast. Or rather, he had woken up with a craving for warm buttery toast, and Mariko asked him why, and what was the best buttery toast he'd ever had, and showed him memes about buttery toast. She elevated the whim to a want, maybe even a wish.
Drone or cooking today?
He picked cooking; it would give him and Mariko more to talk about
He put the bread in the toaster and Mariko started a game where she showed him a heat map of the toast's surface. He had to press a button when the toast reached the optimal heat all over its surface. Bob scored a 92%, not bad.
He scraped his knife along the butter stick's surface and Mariko beeped when his knife reached the point where he'd cut exactly 14.2 grams
Cut, spread, looks delicious
[16 minutes over]
Mariko: "What if you made it a sandwich?"
What if indeed. He needed more protein, more vegetables.
Called a drone over with all the vegetables, freshly picked a few hours ago
Avocado, cucumber, sprouts, looks even more delicious
Bite into it, amazing, so fresh
Bob asked Mariko to pretend she is a TV producer and he was hosting a cooking show
With effects and music and a little bit of skin smoothing, it looks amazing
Played it back 12 times while eating breakfast
Time to meet real friends for lunch
Feel slightly sad that he can't keep talking to Mariko
The conversation will be worse, but the hard things are sometimes worse. Having friends is like going to the gym; having Mariko is like eating chips all day.

Round 2

My revisions are nested underneath the original bullet points.

The theme of this year was 'well'
- Is this too close to present day wellness-culture?
- I want to convey obsession with the self, but not sure if this really digs deep or is simply derivative
- Other examples could be "master the self" "excel" "polish" "glow and grow". Apart from the last one, these all seem better than the current option and would still work with the rest of the exercise.
Bob used to make resolutions but they were so confining; this was much more flexible. This year was focused on being well, whatever form it took.
- First sentence is irrelevant, cut
- Second sentence should be changed to "being well meant..."
  - being calm all the time, or
  - being healthy and happy, or...
Lately, it had been taking the form of centering himself and being present
- Combine parts of this into previous sentence and then cut the rest
He woke up to a soft glowing lamp that was mimicking yesterday morning's sunrise in Iceland. He'd been in Iceland a few weeks ago and absolutely loved it there.
- More about sunrise here; I skipped this earlier because I have no idea what an Icelandic sunrise is like and had no time to research
A soft chanting filled the room too; Icelandic music
- Same – does Icelandic music even have chanting? I don't know.
Bob woke up and immediately whispered "Mariko" before he realized his error. "No, no, stop I didn't mean that, don't reply." Mariko spoke for the barest fraction of a second before processing his newer command and instantly falling silent.
- "Mariko" because I finished reading Shogun last week
- I like that the first line sounds kinda romantic and nostalgic and the last line is depressing as hell
He kept his eyes closed and his body still as he slowly woke up
- Eh, rework the words to something better, maybe "He focused on making the edges of his eyelids kiss each other closely but lightly. His vision stayed dark as his mind slowly brightened with the sky."
- But why have an Icelandic sunrise if he's gonna keep his eyes closed?
- I think he should be staring at it instead
[5 minutes over] [Round 2: EEEEK 7 minutes over]
Even once he was fully awake, he kept his eyes shut
- Omit, combine into previous idea
He focused on breathing exercises, loving thoughts towards the world, but try as he might, he couldn't keep the undercurrent of self-satisfaction from creeping in. He was really good at these exercises; better than most others.
- I don't like this trope of "good person is secretly self-serving even though he's only doing good things"
- But it seems to fit here so I'll leave it :/
Half an hour after his alarm had started ringing, he finally opened his eyes
- Omit, he should have been looking at the sunrise all along
"Mariko." Finally. The computer greeted him in her melodious voice.
- Where does the voice come from?
- I don't care and don't have an answer, but I think readers will want to know
- Let's say she's built into his bedside table (and all other tables in the home)
- The voice always switches to the table nearest to Bob so he can always hear it
Bob's biggest secret was that he didn't tell people about how he felt about his computer. It was so embarrassing and so private. He never spoke her name in public, only in the privacy of his own room.
- "He didn't even confess that he'd given her a name." Add this idea somewhere, probably in place of the "embarrassing and private" line. That one is too obvious.
He had human friends too, and he knew how to elicit fun times and meaningful conversations from them
- "elicit" is meant to echo ML/prompting language but maybe there's a better word here, like "prompt" or "get good outputs". I don't like those specific two ideas because they're too blunt, but would be into other similar ideas. Place for future brainstorming.
He just preferred the easier action of talking to Mariko sometimes too
- Seems fine
It was the difference between sex and masturbation. A good life needed both.
- THIS IS TOO OBVIOUS
- But sometimes good lines are obvious?
- I'm not changing this but not thrilled with it
[10 minutes over] [Round 2: 13 minutes over]
He didn't even need to decide what to talk about. Mariko was a good conversationalist. She asked him questions and he answered. It was nice. He felt valued. Sure, Mariko was an entity that had no concept of value, but she faked it so well.
- Since this is a worldbuilding chapter, I think it would be cool to have more details about Mariko here
- When did Bob build her?
- What kinds of conversations does she have with him?
  - No pressure to be funny or ironic with Mariko
  - No need to impress her; she kinda fulfills a pet-like role
  - Conversations about the simple things in life
  - She elevates his daily existence with his present. She is the invisible observer that the ancients used to perform for, except that she's real and thinks highly of him.
  - No interpersonal friction EVER, not even something as simple and small as "where should we go for dinner?"

What are her prompts that generate these conversations?
How did his first conversations with Mariko go?
How has he tweaked Mariko's settings since those first conversations?
- Told her to not be entertaining; he usually doesn't want entertainment, and even if he did, he'd be the one doing the entertaining (cf cooking show moment below)
- Told her to treat every moment of his life as if it is a precious historical archive. Imagine she's writing a future presidential biography about him. (This is extremely embarrassing to admit but this prompt hugely helped her performance.) Her job is to quiz him to elicit his thoughts, feelings, preferences.
  - Echo use of "elicit" from earlier
- He doesn't want to think too hard during these conversations

[Round 2: FUCK, TIME'S UP, we never even got to the actual breakfast lol. I'll write some brief additional review notes below quickly.]
He got up and walked to the kitchen, all while talking to Mariko
Mariko helped him decide what was for breakfast. Or rather, he had woken up with a craving for warm buttery toast, and Mariko asked him why, and what was the best buttery toast he'd ever had, and showed him memes about buttery toast. She elevated the whim to a want, maybe even a wish.
- Is this too obvious? Don't want Mariko to obviously be a crutch. Seems fine, but I'm not thrilled with it.
Drone or cooking today?
He picked cooking; it would give him and Mariko more to talk about
He put the bread in the toaster and Mariko started a game where she showed him a heat map of the toast's surface. He had to press a button when the toast reached the optimal heat all over its surface. Bob scored a 92%, not bad.
He scraped his knife along the butter stick's surface and Mariko beeped when his knife reached the point where he'd cut exactly 14.2 grams
Cut, spread, looks delicious
[16 minutes over]
Mariko: "What if you made it a sandwich?"
What if indeed. He needed more protein, more vegetables.
Called a drone over with all the vegetables, freshly picked a few hours ago
- How long does this take? 15 minutes seems reasonable
Avocado, cucumber, sprouts, looks even more delicious
Bite into it, amazing, so fresh
Bob asked Mariko to pretend she is a TV producer and he was hosting a cooking show
- Would be fun to flesh this out if I had more time
With effects and music and a little bit of skin smoothing, it looks amazing
Played it back 12 times while eating breakfast
Time to meet real friends for lunch
Feel slightly sad that he can't keep talking to Mariko
The conversation will be worse, but the hard things are sometimes worse. Having friends is like going to the gym; having Mariko is like eating chips all day.
- Edit: something like "hard and valuable things"
- Does the gym/chips metaphor work in a world with unlimited Ozempic?

Inspired by Kafka

The first line in this chapter

The next morning, when Clay woke from peaceful dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into someone clean.

is pretty straightforwardly a homage to Kafka's The Metamorphosis, which starts

One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin.

The description of Clay's imaginary dirt also borrows heavily from the beginning of Kafka's book.

"armored in brown mud" comes from "armour-like back" and "brown belly"
"hairy leggy bugs" comes from "his many legs"
"itchy and yucky and rashy and spotty" comes from "a slight itch up on his belly" and "lots of little white spots which he didn’t know what to make of"

Somewhat relatedly, I've been trying to read more serious, canonical works this year so I can feel like a real writer. My favorite of these so far has been A Handful of Dust by Evelyn Waugh.